One Legged Monkey Business

Dearest Katy, I beg your assistance in my quest to have this riddle solved. It has kept me awake many a night and I must, MUST find reprieve! My query comes in compound form; I pose it to whomever is up to the task of answering!

If the price of tea in China goes up how long will it take a one-legged monkey to kick the seeds out of a pickle, and what Duran Duran song(s) would provide the soundtrack for such a feat? Lp

"We believe the resolution at 33 RPM to your circular problem lies deep in the grooves of the track entitled "Meet El Presidente," the perfect pickle-kicking music (at least until the next Election Day). With regard to the imminent price increase due to tea leaves in China and any unexpected fluctuation thereafter, we can only recommend that you keep an eye on the monkey and re-strain yourself from pouring money down the drain. The Band"